God is my comforter

It was 4am, Philippines Time, second Thursday of December 2016. It was in their office. Everyone was too noisy. Each group has a topic that they talk about while working. It was dawn, a few hours before openers' out which is 7 o'clock in the morning. She slept at around 2am at their sleeping quarters, that they called as Snoozebox. She thought it would be just like any other ordinary day - doing her tasks at the office and supporting her colleagues, then going home and sleeping at her bed, but no. That daily routine she has didn't happen.

She sees herself as humble, godly, good with everyone, civil and does not hold grudges to her officemates. She laughs at simplest jokes. She speaks loud when she is happy. She is naturally jolly. She takes time and effort to make sure every day her colleagues will receive a food for their soul by writing a Bible verse on a piece of paper. She cares for her colleagues, but she just doesn't show it. When she gets hurt by her friends, she will just stay calm and let it go then move on, but of course, she won't forget it. She is sensitive, but it is not obvious with her.  She thought she is friends with everyone.

She was sitting on her station, working at the front of her desk. Out of the blue, Liza talks to her. Liza told her a feedback from the past, Liza said, "Hey, do you know that before, I thought you were so rude?". She replied, "aww really?",. Liza continues, "Yes, and did you know that before, we were talking about you and we don't like you because you seem so bossy, not a leader huh, but really bossy". Her heart was punched for several times at that moment, but she still managed to smile and say, "ah yes, I know that, Alden told me about that before". Alden is their Manager. She continues, "And you know what, I remember Alden told me, he doesn't believe those.. because he wasn't expecting me to be like that". Liza utters, "No. Don't believe him. I know him. He had been my Manager before, he doesn't want you to feel bad or guilty. He wants you to continue what you are doing so he can prove other people's negative feedback about you." She was confused. She doesn't know who to believe at that time, but one thing that amazed me, was that she continue having such a graceful smile and still able to go on with the conversation. She was too smart to just yawn, even if she wasn't really feeling like yawning, she just done it to justify her teary-eyed. She also said to Liza, "I told Alden that maybe they just misjudged me because they don't really know me." Then Liza said, "I told them that we cannot tell yet who you really are, because we honestly don't know yet". Liza sounded like being Pontius Pilate at that time. She continues listening to whatever Liza was telling her with a heavy heart. Liza continues telling negative feedbacks they had for her in the past. Liza was cut when Alden starts speaking to everyone for an announcement. She felt glad. Part of her, she wants to ask Liza's feedback of - How about now? Did they prove themselves right or did I prove them wrong? She wanted to ask Liza of that, because she believes when she was judged that time they were all new on the team and barely knew each other. However, one thing that took her attention and made her heart heavier, was when Liza mentioned that, "Even Marie didn't really like you". Marie was close to her. Marie was her teammate before she even gets transferred into that present program where she is in. She was confident that Marie has no issues with her. She gets even more confused.

Liza was known for being brutally honest. She is good in bullying others. She is the eldest among all of them. Liza is never afraid to tell the truth. Liza is already a mother. She has a foreigner husband. Liza has been to many countries for she previously worked as an Overseas Filipino Worker. Liza is being respected by most of their colleagues. Liza has also been engaged to many issues in the office.

After Liza talks to her, she felt so displeased of everything she heard. She felt like she has been betrayed, because all this time she thought she has no issue with everyone. She felt being misjudged at that time. She feels like crying right at that moment. She was out of herself. She was thinking too much. Her overthinking was making all things worst at that time. Tears are knocking into her eyes for several times, good thing she has a tissue at her desk. She would use it to wipe it out. Pretend that everything was okay. She was so quite at her station having teary eyes. At the back of her mind, she was throwing too many questions to God - too many why.

She stood up and went to the comfort room, because she feels like she can no longer take it. Five seats away from her, Julie, stood up too approaching same way as hers. They were both going to the comfort room. Julie noticed that she was too quiet walking along the hallway. Julie then asked, "Why are you sad?". She replied sarcastically, "If I am quite, I am then sad?". Then Julie, laughed and didn't say a word. When they reached the comfort room, Julie went on looking for a vacant cubicle and went in, but she went close to the mirror and looked at her eyes, she made sure that it was not obvious on her eyes that she was trying to stop her tears. After checking her eyes, she then looked for a vacant cubicle to pee. When she finished, she saw Julie fixing her hair, she asked if she can go first, Julie then nods her head. She then approached the door and walked along the hallway going back to her desk.

Julie is a godly and faithful Christian. Julie is somewhat close to her. Julie became a mother when she was 21 years old. She believes that Julie was sent to her by God to comfort her, but she refuses it. Julie feels that there was something going on with her friend already, but her friend was too prideful that she didn't admit to Julie that there was something going on inside her mind and heart.

She was finishing her tasks at her desk. Julie invited her to get the goods that the company provides them. It was ham and hotdog. She accepted the invite and took the goods. They were three of them. Ella joins them as well. She was still thinking of the conversation she had with Liza, so she was still quite while walking along the hallway with Julie and Ella even if both of them were cracking some jokes at her, she would just respond with a laugh and smile, but that wasn't really she was feeling inside. They went back at their desks after taking the goods.

While she was sitting on her desk trying to finish all her duties for the day, Miles, her companion everyday when she goes home, came in the front of her and told her to get the goods already, which are the ham and hotdog, she then replies on a low voice, "I took mine already". Miles failed to hear it. She then continues, "Would you like to get it after shift?". She again replies on a much louder soft whispering voice, "I took mine already". Miles heard it, but she commented, "Your voice sounded like you are being pabebe." Pabebe means sophisticated or changing your voice in a seductive way. She tries to defend herself, but she wasn't on the mood to talk. Since she was already having a headache that time and she was struggling in stopping her tears, so she just let it go. She just let Miles say whatever she has to, but that add up to what she was feeling.

All she wants at that moment was to go home and let her tears flow freely. It was almost 7 o'clock. She decided to clean her station, took all the wastes she has and throws it to the garbage in the comfort room. While on her way to the comfort room, she looks gloomy. She saw Gina. A Christian woman who is close to her heart, always gives her advices and pray for her. She throws her garbage and talked to Gina. It was so amazing, because both of their T-shirt has something to do with faith. She noticed it and they both smile. For some reason, Gina seems to feel that she was struggling into something. So, Gina asked her of how she was, she of course said she was fine even though she was obviously not. Gina hugged her tight. Her tears almost fell, but she still managed to stop it. Gina invited her to go to her station to spend at least a few minutes with her, but she said she can't since it was already 6:59 am from Gina's desk time and it was already her out. Gina then pulls her to a place where no one is around to pray for her. Gina asked her what does she want to be prayed for, she then said, "peace of mind". Gina prayed for her fervently. She then burst out and cried. She can't take it anymore. Gina continue praying for her. After praying for her, Gina hugged her so tight that makes her tears flow freely. She gives thanks to Gina. She didn't tell Gina what she was going through though, but Gina understands.

When she gets back to her station, she was already late to log out. Julie was looking to her all over the office. She thought everyone left her already, she appreciates Julie so much for staying and looking for her around the office. Miles and the others, already left. She felt bad for a while, but then she felt glad, because she needs some alone time to think about so many things.

When she went home, she burst into tears. She was leaning on the wall crying her lungs out while sitting at the floor. Tears fell down to her knees. She was asking God too many questions. Yelling at Him of so many why, but she took a pause and reminisce what have happened today.  She then realized a lot. Satan may send her one person to ruin her day, but God will send her double to comfort her. Julie was the first one, when Julie noticed that she was sad, but she denied it. Julie was able to do her role as a comforter on the latter part, when Julie waited and looked for her, she was pleased and felt loved. Second was Gina, God was successful on this part, Gina was indeed able to comfort her. God is indeed a comforter. If He fails on his first instrument, He will send another person who is more equipped to do such role.

This story indeed happened. Names mentioned are not the person's real names. The truth here is - She is me, myself and I.