Untold Life and Thoughts Revealed

  My Father and Mother knew each other since they were child. They were best of friends; they both knew each other’s family. Papa was secretly in love with Mama. When Mama left to marry someone in 455 miles away from where Papa was, my Father flew to stop the marriage and told Mama of his love for her. They secretly got married instead. Papa went back to their hometown, Mama stayed since she has her business on where they got married. Mama helped Papa to finish college. After College they reunited again.   However, my Father’s family never liked my Mother. They don’t like her for their son and their brother. Growing up I saw how they emotionally hurt, scolded, blamed and degraded Mama. As a kid, I never understood how it feels like to always try to earn someone’s trust and see your worth from them. When we got older, Mama eventually got tired. Worst, when Papa died Mama does not want any more connection with them. However, she still shows respect to them in whichever way she...

I don't want to feel this way, but this is what my hypothalamus feels. I want to be blind of what I am seeing so I won't see how people around me are happy, while myself doesn't even know how it feels like to be just purely happy anymore. I want to be deaf for a while so I won't hear their loud laugh and silly conversations that I can't even engage myself to. I want to be mute for a second so I will have an excuse not to speak for what is being asked that might open my heart and people will know how miserable I am inside. I want them to love me even if I am weird. I want them to talk to me even if I don't initiate the conversation. I want them to care for me even if I don't show them how sad I am inside. I want them to see me even if I would rather be in the corner listening how their conversations are going so well without me speaking. I want them to hug me even if I appear strong in front of the crowd. I want them to greet me even if I am walkin...

When I was younger, around the age of the adolescent. I have this vision of helping other people. I would tell my mother that when I am already older and have a stable work and a good business I will build a nursing home for abandoned children and special children. I would also like to build a Home for the Aged for abandoned grandparents. At the early age, I was able to open my heart and mind on how cruel the world is. People are blinded by what is happening in the world. The universe seems to be deaf to the cry of the less fortunate people. Religion supposed to help unite humanity, but what it does is contradicting to what it's real purpose, it divides the human race. When I was in College studying Bachelor of Science in Nursing I had the chance to have an On the Job Training in a nursing home, we were assigned in different areas. The Nursing homes have an area for grandparents that were abandoned, there is also an area for abandoned kids and babies, and an area for ...

I was judged "aggressive". I smiled. I wander. At the back of my mind, I kept repeating it over and over again. Because I don't know what that is. Is that an adjective fits to describe me? When I came home, I googled, it says "ready or likely to attack or confront". I wanted to ask more to the person who relay the feedback to me. I wanted to know who was the person said that, but no thanks, we have what we called human instincts. I used that, and I already have an idea who you are GIRL. I wanted to ask for an example scenario when did I became aggressive because that was the very first time I got that feedback. And guess what? We don't even know each other that much, not even a year yet. Are we friends? I hope we are. Are we close? That is what I don't really think so. Does SHE know me, I am sure she don't. Now I totally believe, people who deemed you, are those people who don't know you at all. Hi girls, thank you for the feedback. I appreciat...

I don't know where exactly to start. But I really want to write what I feel. I don't know what went wrong. But everything we had were gone. I can't remember how we started as friends. But why we became strangers again has stuck in my mind. I am not sure why saying hello is so hard now. But the eagerness of starting a conversation is within me. You were once my textmate. But now, I no longer get a message from you. You were once my friend that almost turns out to be my lover. But now, it looks like that we are no longer friends and will never be a lover. We used to let each other know what we are doing. But now we have no more idea what both of us are doing with our lives. You made me feel happy. But now, you are crushing my heart because you are nowhere to be found. Your existence was my happiness before. But now all I hope is to feel your presence again. I can't help it sometimes, but to go back to our conversations a year ago. But all it gives me is only sadn...

Look at me. Closer. What do you see? Can you see my flaws? If yes, then great, continue reading! If no,  please see an eye doctor and stop reading! Look closely! I have an open pores. It is not good to look at. I have an oily face, which causes me to have a black heads and white heads, which they call a face dirt. Most of it is under my nose, beside it. They accumulate. Sometimes they are obvious and makes me feel ashamed of it. If I just can hide my face, I wil really do. I don't want it. I tried getting rid of it, it just loves me and don't wanna leave me that is why it stays there(May be). If got any tip for me to get rid of these, I 'll be more than happy to talk about it in a round table where you can put all your suggestions. Now, look closely again. What do you see under my nose? Between my lips and nose, do you see a mustache? Well, another thing. It isn't nice for me. It makes me look musculine. I know I should not shave it, which I am really not gonna do....

I am talkative yet I don't share my stories. I am happy most of the time because I choose not to be sad. I am strong because I can't be weak. I am private because I don't know who to trust. I am not ladylike when I act because I don't wanna be belittled. I am not sweet because I have too much pride. I am a good listener because I know when to speak and not to. I am a good adviser, but I don't think you can understand my deep thoughts. I am friendly but I have no best friend. I have lots of friends that I value but I just only stay connected to real and true friends. I love kids but I don't wanna have one (for now). I love adrenaline rush activities, but being alone at home is still awesome and refreshing feeling. I am loud because I want your attention. I love logic games, but I cheat sometimes to solve it. I am 95% honest, but 5% liar. I enjoy the singing, but I have never been right in tunes. I like to dance, but I am not confident. I am 80...

Our mind is full of ideas. Others can be express by words and actions, others can not. Our brain is responsible of what we feel and what we think. Sometimes they don't come hand and hand, that is when confusion comes. Our mind is fighting against what we feel. There are times when we are alone we overthink a lot of things, and why do we do it? We do it because we are alone, as what I have mentioned earlier. We have no one to talk to. No one to tell what is in our mind. No one to contradict and agrees with our ideas. I overthink most of the time, because most of the time I am alone. When I start thinking things that are actually not suppose to be in my mind and not suppose to waste my time figuring out why, what, who etc., I start to feel sad and lonely. So I guess, it is our fault when we feel sad because we overthink and because we are alone. Remember, as a human being that is in control of our thoughts, we are also in control of our own emotions. It is our choice what we...