Untold Life and Thoughts Revealed

Moment by moment I can't fathom how I am surviving the life of misery this year have brought me. Each day I am feeling exhausted of daily routines that can't see the end of turmoil. Hopes I am holding to are depleting and my hands are losing its grip. Every morning I ask the Lord, "Is this a dream? If it is, please wake me up because I am exhausted and might lose you soon." Several mornings have come and same questions are thrown, but I am still on the same situation I never wished I am. Where I am now is not the place I have never thought I will be. What I did and witnessed were the things I never imagined I can handle. How I live now is never what I have planned it to be.  Living in a huge building where most of the people you see wear almost same style of clothing each day, colors were - white, green and blue. This place has too many rooms consist of dying individuals and existing but not totally living people. Most people on this building sleeps and sits on the sa

I don't know how to start  Words are scribbled into my mind Things I'd like to speak, I can't catch But I'd like you to know that I am scared;  Scared of the thoughts of making wrong decisions Decision that I perceive is right  Is this what God wants?  Is this the person God intends for me? Is this the life God plans for me?  What if not? What if I am wrong?  What if I am being biased?  God wants for me a man that can lead our children to Him,  More often, it feels like my man does not spend much time with God  God wants for me a man that can make me feel I am worth all the risk, fears and worries Forgive me, but it feels like my man is still unsure of me sometimes God wants for me a man that I can serve Him with  Pardon me, I have never heard my man said to be in service with the Lord  God wants for me a man that is sure of his salvation and will surely meet Jesus at the end of all Excuse me, but my man seems like not sure of his salvation and is barely fascinated of t

She had her pains from the past that she does not want to go all over again with a different man. Things have molded her to be an independent woman she is today. All the disappointments she had made her stronger. She is tired of getting unrequited love from people around her. Her ears are done listening to everyone’s burden while her own is being neglected. She had her hopes high in every man she was interested in and entertained, but ended up getting tired of her and not trying to understand her. She has been in and out of her own prison cell inside her heart hiding herself in the world who does not want to go beyond extra miles for her. She is sick of being someone who would always lead people on the right path and tell them to do what is right, but no one stands to rebuke her or help her out in making decisions. She is a woman that does not want to confront what is wrong anymore, instead slam the door and walk away. She is too scared to hear someone’s defense and fall for it agai

Once upon a time, there was me - with a little dreamer’s heart wrote and imagined a life I wanted. I planned out everything, because they said when you planned out things it is mostly gonna work out just fine. In contrast, if you have no plan, you plan to fail. I might have a lot of dreams and plans stuck in my head when I was growing up, I don’t think I know how to put them all in action. Execution of things I have in my mind is what I am terrible at. I have written several bucket lists, I am not even close in completing any of them and I am not certain to achieve any of them. I’ll start off with simple ones. I graduated with a Bachelor's Degree and everyone was expecting for me to work on the job I have studied for, I also expected for that to happen. Turns out, I had a different path to take. I worked in a job where there is no need for a Bachelor's Degree and went all the way to a position in the same company where college degree matters, but I am still not on the path

You are loved by so many people around you. You are valued by those people who care for you. You are worth dying for because 2,000 years ago Someone died for you. You are wonderfully made and worth every compliment you could have. You are a unique creature in every way. No one is like you. You are worth showing off. You are worth being proud of and present to everyone that you are their partner. Let the person you value see your worth and expose your worth to the world they have. When you get into a relationship, you are to take the risk to change your life 360 degrees. The people will see you differently based on the relationship status you have and you should act according to it. If the person is so into you and loves you dearly, he would want to be at the rooftop and talk about how precious you are into his life. True love is not silent, it will always pump what’s inside. Love will be evident on your partner’s actions and words whenever he is with his family and friends.  You

I have been contemplating these past few days. When I was younger I did not have a set of standards for my ideal man. If I fall, I'll fall. However, as I matured my perspective changed. I would always ask myself, "what type of a person do I really want to spend the rest of my life with?", ``What kind of a father I want for my future kids?" and "What nature of family would I like to have in the future?". Pondering on these questions I used to have, I came up with the set of standards I want to have in a man that I'd like to live with for the rest of my life. If God allows, this is what I want. First and foremost, I'd like my man to be godly. When I say Godly, it is not just a church-goer, but he himself is the church. I would like him to live according to God’s word. I am not looking for boyfriend material, but I long for husband material who would be our Spiritual Leader at home with our kids. I am looking for a ministry partner who would joyfull

Staring blankly at the ceiling wondering where I stand on someone’s life makes me weary. Is it my job to think for the answer? Or to ask to get the answer? Who does not want clarity? Who does not want a rightful position? Ain’t looking for games anymore as I am not a kid no more. I am tired of looking for my place and running around the bush. Ain’t a fortune teller to know what you’re up to into this “something” relationship. Without clarity, sorry I’d like to dismiss myself to whatever play this is. Today you’ll confess of what you feel, the next day you wish for someone to come along. What is this? Would you like to be a jester in a circus? That’s just a funny act. Who does not want consistency? If you like the person, act as if you do. If you love, play the role! Afraid of taking the risk? Then, don’t confess. If you wanna be friends, act as how friends do. You’re consistently fooling me as if I don’t know and I am too nice to enjoy the ride not knowing I am putting myself in

Are you proud of who I become?  Is this where you planned me to be?  Have you had any regrets that we should have not done or we should have done better?  We’ve ran a long road and here where I brought you now. The decisions you have made in the past mold us now as a person. The mistakes you’ve done made us a stronger person today and the good decisions you’ve made brought us the best things in life. The love you shared to the wrong persons made us see the right people to invite in our life now. The pain that caused you sufferings brought us lessons we will forever cherish. The failures you lead yourself into made us successful today and persevere more to build ourself. I do hope somehow I made you proud because all of the life experiences you had were not put into waste and became our greatest teacher of life.  You’re innocence were robbed at an early stage of life because of world’s wickedness, but look at us now - we are full of wisdom in dealing the so called life

Reading the Bible from cover to cover you won’t be able to see anything about “dating”. I, myself searched on different perspectives about Biblical dating. I was affirmed that Bible does not say anything about dating, but it does say how you are supposed to love and honor a person. In fact, none of the people from the Bible actually date before getting married. Most of the times people from the Bible got married through arranged/fixed marriage, ritual courting and offerings. Whichever view you look at it, decision in marrying someone in the old times involves God, belief and family.   As a Christian, sometimes we are having a hard time to discern if the person we like is the person we will end up with or want to end up with. I remember the story of Isaiah and Rebekah when Abraham wants him to get married since Abraham was already old. Genesis 24:1-64 showed us how God has been faithful to Abraham when God was clear of giving the signs to Abraham’s servant that Rebekah is the wo

Hi There,   Thank you for coming into my life in an unexpected yet well played game. Thank you for the smile you gave. Thank you for all the times you were there when I was bored and no one to talked to. Thank you for those moments of giving me an idea of how it feels like to be in a relationship. Thank you for the heart melting words you gave to flatter me. Thank you for giving me hope even if it was not true at all. Thank you for making me imagine life with you in a world that will never exist. Thank you for giving me the glimpse of an official relationship. Most especially, thank you for all the lessons you gave that I will surely be able to apply in finding my Mr Right.  You have taught me that love isn’t earned by sweet words alone. It has to work hand and hand with deeds through the words you speak. You have taught me to value myself by not letting anyone who likes me to have an access to my innermost being easily. You have taught me to be careful in investing my prec

Dig her thoughts, not her life. You would extend her life by knowing what’s in her mind. You would gently kill her knowing her pain she chose to hide. Unless she do it voluntarily, then you are lucky. Let her ask, you do the answering. You may return the question if you would like. Give her time, do not bug. Things she is not used to do, gives her anxiety. She knows the answer most of the time, she just couldn’t deliver. What triggers her silence is when your words attack her fears. She speaks out of the things she knew, rarely of what she feels. You cannot comprehend her unless you feel her. She is hard to understand for she doesn’t want others to know her well. Fears of judgement is what keeps her silent. Past is where she lives and scared to leave it. Don’t get her wrong for she likes to live long and be free. Be patient with her as she badly needed it. Herself begs for her own understanding She pleads every single day to be peaceful on her own world. Cho

Word by word you say, she has something to state. She speak not for she cannot portray her thoughts. Too many phrases she has, but she cannot utter for it flies fast. Her ideas are great, but she is deceit of low self esteem. Let her smile for it is the way she wants other to see her. Tell her how you feel for her, she wouldn’t mind for she heard worst than that. She feels more than what you think, yet show less what you can understand. Dive in for she has so much turmoil that you can’t comprehend. Give her space for she is used to it. Dig in what she feels, then she gets suffocated. Let her display to the crowd what she wanted them to perceive. She’ll live fine when she is unaccompanied. She is totally okay, but not fine at all. Originally posted on Instragram July 26,2018

Honest man I have met Abruptly got my attention with your wit Peace is what you brings to my life through your words of affirmation Perfect antidote for my tiredness most of the time by getting my attention Yielded to the effort you give because they are always beyond my expectations Vacates a time to spend with me if you get the chance and I am thankful for that Accepted me without any doubt which made me shed tears for the joy I felt Learning your past because of being man enough to be vulnerable is what I adore Every day exchange of chats became my routine and enjoyed every bits of it Never will I get tired of sharing my day with you knowing you care to know Through your genuineness can't help but think of "what ifs" Internally thinking out loud what could've been if things could have been better for us Nodded my head every time I think of not being able to find someone like you Each days, minutes and seconds spent with you is never wasted Sweetness

Dear Future Husband, I don't know who you are. I don't know when will you come into my life. I don't know where will you be coming from. I don't know how you look like. But one thing is for sure, I will wait for you! Yes, I will be waiting for you. I have lifted your life to Jesus even if I have not met you yet. I have prayed for your Spiritual walk to be fruitful. I have prayed for your career to grow and to be stable. I have prayed for your mental, physical and emotional health to be well. When the time is right, I know I'll get a confirmation that all my prayers for you were answered. I know when I meet you, you will make me realize why all the invested time, effort and emotion I gave to all other men did not work. I know when God brings us together He will be certain on His signs. I know you will be a great Husband and a Father to our future family. Please know that I will not be expecting you to be perfect and never will I. I know that there will co

When I was a child, my parents were always been busy with their lives. My father is an OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker) who works in Saudi Arabia since I was a fetus or not even been planned to be born. My Mother is a self employed. She handles a different kind of business. Because of that, I have learned to be independent in an early age. I never rely on my parents. I have always been the strong one. I don't study hard, but at the end of each school year, I make sure to bring a bacon at home. Now that I am old enough, I felt like I am not that strong enough. I think I need to be stronger. And the only difference is that I have learned not to rely only on my own. God is always at my back. Being the eldest now, I need to put all my trust to God that I can do all things with the strength He gives me. (Philippians 4:19). God never promised an easy life here on earth. This is a battlefield. However, I strongly believe that whatever that struggles I may have on this earth, it is n

Dear Old Friend,  You used to be the person I run to. What happened to the friendship we had? I miss you. Do you miss me too? I don't think so. You depart yourself from me and it hurts me see you grow and reach your goals, while our relationship slowly disappears. Your year of existence on earth flies so fast and your existence in my life seems to slowly turn its back on me. I see nothing, but old memories of you. We have not made a new one. Our time together stuck on the past. I can't distinguish whose fault was that. Was it mine? Yours? Or we both have changed? I miss your laugh. I miss our conversations. I miss how you used to call me in the way no one does. We don't call each other by name. We made ourselves a pet name like couples do. Call me that way again. I miss it! Old friend, you might have already forgotten me, but I cannot hide the fact that I miss you each time I see your social media accounts. You are on my list of friends, but seems like w

Pagmamahal kailan man ay hindi magiging sapat. Pagka't pagkukulang ang laging nakikita. Suklian man ng kabutihan, Tatanggapin ng bukas palad. Ngunit maluwag ang pagkahawak. Mabibitawan pagdating ng araw Pagka't kailan man ay hindi napahalagahan. Nakakapagod lumaban. Nakakalugmok huminga. Hindi makita ang dahilan ng pagpapatuloy. Naglalakad ng nakayuko, Hindi alam saan patungo. Animo'y naliligaw na tupa. Sa paglalakad ay bahagyang nadapa. May mga kaibigang nakakita. Ngunit, hindi tinulungan. Sa halip ay napagtawanan. Matutulog sa gabi. Babangon sa umaga. Asan ang saya? Nalipasan ng ngiti. Hindi maipinta ang hugis ng labi. Parang may nakatali sa leeg na lubid. Tatakasan ang mundo. Hindi makayanan ang gulo. Hindi mahabol pintig ng puso. Anong kailangan ng pusong durog? Kaibigang alam na ika'y bugbog; At sanay magbubuo sa pagkatao. Ngunit, hindi matanaw. Puso'y sadyang uhaw. May librong lumitaw. Sulat ng tunay na nagmamahal.

No one said life is easy. It needs much courage to live in a kind of life you are expecting to. We all get tired. We all get burned out. But why do we hold on? Why do we keep on fighting? We have to find the answers to that. Someone can live for an unknown reason, but for no reason at all? No, you can not live that way. Come on! If there is, he must have died from the moment h e loss his reason for striving. Having oxygen that circulates through your bloodstream does not mean, you are living. No, it does not work that way either. You just exist! You don’t live at all. You are probably tired of doing the same routine each day. You gotta work your booty if you are scheduled to. After such a long day, you gotta rest that physical embodiment of yours. Through what? Sleep? Sneak at the social media? Scroll up and down until you get to see same posts you’ve seen earlier? Watch that Kdrama or series you have missed? Then, what? Hibernate yourself and get up and do the same thing the

Sorry, I didn’t know I can’t remember of the time we first had memories together. The smiles from your cheeks that makes you look so radiant to see. It was one of the characteristics you had that makes me comfortable in approaching you. The laughter you have shared with me when we were throwing jest on each other. It made me feel like I have found a new loved one and added it on my list. The unt old stories you have shared with me before that no one knows, when it was only the two of us against all odds together with some of our colleagues. You told me your sadness with such a gloomy face and restless eyes. It made me feel I am worthy of your trust and by you doing that, it made me give you my trust as well. Those were the moments we first assume we already have a relationship called friendship. Time flies so fast as they always say. You had your own path and so did I. Things have suddenly changed. What happened to the words, “Hey! let us keep in touch, no matter what.”? T

To be like You I am the total opposite of you. Why do I say so? Because Your love is beyond my capability. I can’t think of anyone else on this world who can do such things You did. I have seen Your struggles and heard the pain You went through. In contrast, I have also seen your love and limitless kindness You can give. My mind is in awe as I read Your promises. Your expectations towards me are always good even if I have been disobedient. Hearing Your Words are such a relief from every grief of my heart have experienced. You left me with a book of your love letters even if knowing that I may not read them all. Now, let me ask You, “How to be You?” Or at least, act like You? Because of the facts that; I can not love those people who can not love me back, but you can. I can not extend help to those I know in my times of need, can not bestow me anything. I can not easily forgive those people who used to hurt me, unlike how You forgave those who hurts, ridicules and punishes Yo

There was nothing special on my childhood. In fact, I have nothing to share much. I played outside our house like any other kids. However, my playmates? I can no longer remember all of them. One thing is for sure, most of them already have their own kids who they play with on the streets we used to play dutch ball. I know, it sounds like I am old already and that is not a secret at all. I don’t study much when I was a little kid. The truth is, I don’t even like being at school. In a week, I’ll be just in school for two or three days. But, one thing I am proud of myself, I have never failed any of my subjects. Another bonus was that, at the end of the school year I’ll be at the center stage, getting the special award which I don’t really know why I do have it in the first place. Pathetic, isn’t it? Well, we do have same thoughts of it. No worries! None of my childhood was fun aside from this, putting my thoughts into words. Since, I was a little kid I was already independent