When confusion starts, I am out

Staring blankly at the ceiling wondering where I stand on someone’s life makes me weary. Is it my job to think for the answer? Or to ask to get the answer? Who does not want clarity? Who does not want a rightful position? Ain’t looking for games anymore as I am not a kid no more. I am tired of looking for my place and running around the bush. Ain’t a fortune teller to know what you’re up to into this “something” relationship. Without clarity, sorry I’d like to dismiss myself to whatever play this is. Today you’ll confess of what you feel, the next day you wish for someone to come along. What is this? Would you like to be a jester in a circus? That’s just a funny act. Who does not want consistency? If you like the person, act as if you do. If you love, play the role! Afraid of taking the risk? Then, don’t confess. If you wanna be friends, act as how friends do. You’re consistently fooling me as if I don’t know and I am too nice to enjoy the ride not knowing I am putting myself in trouble. Let’s quit the game and forget everything we’ve started because the end game does not aim to become one. Who wants to keep wasting time for something that has no destination? Who enjoys wondering why on earth declare an interest when the goal isn’t till death? Consistently showing interest but not pursuing, what game shall we call that? If consistency only happens through constant communication and no destination, I am on my way to pull myself out. Too afraid? Too risky? Too indecisive? Too unsure? Then why begin the fire if you can't stand the heat? Who does not want a commitment? There is no reason in awakening someone’s emotion if cannot commit in keeping it alive. Liking someone is different from falling in love and love without commitment is merely just a kind of running a race without a finish line. You are free to express what you feel but do not want to commit because of its responsibility and for whatever it takes. Furthermore, always hoping that someone better would come along that is why commitment isn’t the best time yet. There will never be the best time if love isn’t real. Nothing proves love other than commitment. So, tell me? Who doesn’t want it? If commitment has no way to be found, why stay? I am out of here. Confusion takes away all the emotions I have in the blink of an eye. I’ll be cold until I can no longer feel what I used to. It takes my sanity away from me if all I have to think were, “what am I doing?”, “what am I to him?”, “What are we?”, “Does the word ‘we’ exist between the two of us?” “Where will this take us or me?” “Am I wasting time on here, if so how long will I be wasting my time?” “Is this worth investing my time, effort and energy?” I am one foot step forward and one foot step backward as I see how you do it and I just perfectly mimic it. Why do I stay? Because I am stupid, again. This is my forte, stupidity is my middle name and being so nice is my surname. I’ll wait until you get tired and disappear or the worst case scenario is I give up and totally vanish because of tiredness I have from thinking where and how I should place myself. Either way, it isn't a happy ending but that’s what I am used to. Giving me confusion is my greatest love killer. I’m too lazy to entertain good thoughts without enough words and actions working together, so I am out of here. Case closed!