My First Love

There was nothing special on my childhood. In fact, I have nothing to share much. I played outside our house like any other kids. However, my playmates? I can no longer remember all of them. One thing is for sure, most of them already have their own kids who they play with on the streets we used to play dutch ball. I know, it sounds like I am old already and that is not a secret at all.

I don’t study much when I was a little kid. The truth is, I don’t even like being at school. In a week, I’ll be just in school for two or three days. But, one thing I am proud of myself, I have never failed any of my subjects. Another bonus was that, at the end of the school year I’ll be at the center stage, getting the special award which I don’t really know why I do have it in the first place. Pathetic, isn’t it? Well, we do have same thoughts of it. No worries!

None of my childhood was fun aside from this, putting my thoughts into words. Since, I was a little kid I was already independent. I always wanted to show the world how emotionally strong I am. I don’t want the world to see me weak. People rarely see me cry and there was even a point where I forgot how it feels like to cry. “Tears of sorrow is only for loser”, as I always believe when I was a kid.

At the young age, I have learned not to get attached on people for the thinking that everyone leaves. Therefore, most of the time I stay in my room and hold a pen on my hand and write anything under the sun. It has became my outlet. In fact, it was my first love. I had several journals. T’was written there how I hate some of our family members, classmates, neighborhood and even some of my love confessions. I religiously write in my diary before. In fact, I would save money from my allowance just for me to buy a notebook to be tagged as my Diary. There was even a time that I even had to make one notebook have a two subjects in it for me to use the extra notebook as my Diary. Funny, isn’t it? Well, it was true!

I also had a notebook for my random thoughts that contains a poems, stories, song compositions etc,. I even had a story before that was entitled, “Message in the bottle”. I remember the title, but I can no longer remember the context of it. It was fun! Pen and paper has became my best friend. Other teenagers would want another person to listen to them, but for myself, I just wanted to have a spare notebook and a pen.

Now, I miss it. I miss how it feels to have a Best Friend. A thing which I can write anything I want with no opposition. It understands me no matter how chaotic my hand writing and my mind was. I miss how I wrote my own poems and read it again and again until I could memorize each word of it. Would even cite them while I was walking, going to school or even taking a bath. Poems that contains the subject of despair, relationship, friendship, world and religion. I miss the mind-cracking-brainstorming moment I have had whenever I wrote stories. Characters that I just made up out of my imagination. Events how I wish can happen in real life. And I cannot forget how I love to write song lyrics out of my emotions. I even had tears whenever I sang them before. How corny I was whenever I write such songs. I tried learning to play guitar in order for me to put music such as a melody on my lyrics. Unluckily, I am not musically inclined. Therefore, my song compositions just turns into a poem most of the time.

This moment, I want to go back to the thing I loved. Hobby I used to do. Times I want to embrace again. I would love to read what is on my mind over again by putting them into words. I love to welcome myself back at the arms of my love ~ Writing.

Originally Posted on Facebook March 15, 2018