Biblical Dating Does Not Exist

Reading the Bible from cover to cover you won’t be able to see anything about “dating”. I, myself searched on different perspectives about Biblical dating. I was affirmed that Bible does not say anything about dating, but it does say how you are supposed to love and honor a person. In fact, none of the people from the Bible actually date before getting married. Most of the times people from the Bible got married through arranged/fixed marriage, ritual courting and offerings. Whichever view you look at it, decision in marrying someone in the old times involves God, belief and family. 

As a Christian, sometimes we are having a hard time to discern if the person we like is the person we will end up with or want to end up with. I remember the story of Isaiah and Rebekah when Abraham wants him to get married since Abraham was already old. Genesis 24:1-64 showed us how God has been faithful to Abraham when God was clear of giving the signs to Abraham’s servant that Rebekah is the woman that Isaac should marry. Servant of Abraham then visited the family of Rebekah to deliver his master’s clear and precise intentions. Family of Rebekah gave the blessings and she then went to Abraham. Rebekah then presented to Isaac, then next thing we know they lived a godly married life. No dating happened at all. According to my understanding in the Bible, dating comes after married life. But how does the relationship ends up to tie the knot? 

Make clear intentions. It was said in the Bible that Rebekah and her family were fully aware of what they are getting Rebekah into. Genesis 24:48-57 shows the agreement of all parties among Abraham’s servant, Rebekah’s family and Rebekah herself. As Christians, we shall never engage ourselves to more than friends kind of thing without any clear intentions because it will lead us into trouble. Friendship with intimate feelings without clear intentions will lead to rejections in the long run. If you just want to befriend, then act as friends. If you want deeper than friendship, lay down your intentions to it and act accordingly based on what has been declared. This is to make sure that time and effort will not be invested to the wrong person. We have to be very careful whom we invest our time and effort with for they are the precious things you have that cannot be returned or paid for. 

Involve the accountable group you have. Community helps you in making decisions in life. You can listen to their insights about some aspects of your life, especially in finding a partner but then choose the right audience. It is essential that the partner you are looking for is engage to a church community. As a believer, I consider having no small group or accountability group is a red flag. This is to make sure that he is asking for wisdom from the other body of Christ. We can listen to our community, but not all of what they have to say you are to act upon it. Genesis 25:57 when they asked Rebekah of her decision and considers it. However, before that the family members of Rebekah were already sharing their thoughts about the servant’s intentions. My main point into this, at the end of the day it is still your decision. However, still make sure to involve the people that is close to your heart. Christian does not grow and make decisions on their own. We need people to rebuke us and tell us which is favorable to God. Once heard their thoughts, discern and study His word if it is align of God’s teaching. 

Pray about it. Genesis 24:45-46 was clear that the servant prayed to God before making any decisions and going further. He was then given the signs he asked from God and had peace on his heart that the woman he was talking to was the woman he was looking for to be presented for his master. As I always say to myself, if a decision gives me peace then it is from God. On the other hand if the decision I am about to make that I am thinking about gives me confusion and turmoil heart, I am affirmed that it does not come from God. Finding and waiting for a partner is a hard decision to make in life. Praying for it helps, but does not guarantee a solution. Action with prayer does. You can keep on praying for it but does not do anything about it will not lead you to an answered prayer. God does His work 100% at all times when we plead to Him, however to execute His plans for us, we need to participate on it. 

I am not saying we do what the old testament did, like send a servant to find a partner for you, wait for someone to give you water to drink and your pets (we don’t use camel now to travel), offer farm animal and jewelries and marry the next day - that just don’t work now. We can rely to it by picking up what we can apply in today’s time. Again on my own perspective, we should make sure to lay down on the table your intentions to the person, include the accountable group you have to make sure to have enough wisdom and make sure to pray about it before jumping into conclusions. If you just want to befriend with the person then act as friend. Nothing less and nothing more. Dating stage does not have to be a several years. I see couple who have skipped dating and lived a wonderful godly life. 

This could be confusing at times. I, myself still struggle to understand the thought of dating since Bible does not give direct point about it. However, the three points I gave and elaborated should help us. Just make sure to follow the command, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭6:14‬ ‭NASB‬‬. The very first thing to consider in finding a partner.