I ACT WHAT I AM NOT

I don't want to feel this way, but this is what my hypothalamus feels.
I want to be blind of what I am seeing so I won't see how people around me are happy, while myself doesn't even know how it feels like to be just purely happy anymore.
I want to be deaf for a while so I won't hear their loud laugh and silly conversations that I can't even engage myself to.
I want to be mute for a second so I will have an excuse not to speak for what is being asked that might open my heart and people will know how miserable I am inside.

I want them to love me even if I am weird.
I want them to talk to me even if I don't initiate the conversation.
I want them to care for me even if I don't show them how sad I am inside.
I want them to see me even if I would rather be in the corner listening how their conversations are going so well without me speaking.
I want them to hug me even if I appear strong in front of the crowd.
I want them to greet me even if I am walking my head is bowed down looking at the floor.
I want them to ask how Am I doing even if I look so gregarious.

I am strong, but I still need them.
I am independent, but I still want companionship.
I am brave, but I stumble and cry.
I am outspoken, but not all I have shared.

If people could just dissect what is inside my heart, I would not have to act what I am really not.
And what I am really not is.......
For you to find out.

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