My First Long Distance Relationship

I am confused with the feeling I have but I just want to treasure every moment because it does really make me feel so happy. It activates all my happy hormones when talking to him. We have been chatting for more than 3 weeks now, I think. And it all started from a Contact Request in Skype. I was in doubt in accepting it because I didn't remember giving out my Skype ID to anyone. Before having any decision, I checked on his profile on Skype. He is from Canada, his profile has his full name, it has his birthday and seems legit and doesn't look like a scammer or what. I accepted it.

Days, nights and weeks have passed, I didn't receive any message from him. I was thinking of deleting him from my contact list already in Skype because it doesn't make sense having him in my contacts and never message me. However, I am so curious, how and where he got my Skype ID so I messaged him... I said, "hey, you added me and never message me." And I said to myself, after 2 or three days that this person won't reply back I will be deleting him from my Contacts. 3rd day came, he still didn't reply. I said to myself, "okay, another chance." Then I sent him a message with just a smiley emoticon. And boom, he replied. He said, "I never saw you online either and I've been very busy." And I replied, "I am always online, just invisible. And Okay,  I understand we could maybe chat some other time if you are no longer busy." Then, he disappeared again for few days.

After few days of not getting any message from him, I sent him a message, "hey, still busy?". And he said, "not really, I am good." And of course I was pleased. We can finally chat. My questions will finally have answers. So I asked him first where did he get my Skype ID and he said I probably gave it to him. And I was surprised, told him that it is too impossible. And he said it could be from PinaLove.com then, if I didn t give it to him. So, that is more believable. We then started chatting and all. I figured he is a nice and gentleman guy. Different from the other guys on the internet. We've been chatting for almost everyday, with or without a camera. Most of the time, we use Viber and for the Video Chat we use Skype.

Everything is doing so well. He said he likes me. I said I like him. I said we have to take it slow. He agreed. But our feelings are growing each day. We became so vocal of what we feel. There is something within me that would like to take risk and just let myself fall for this guy. So, what I did. I sent him a message of saying, "Iodine C8H11NO2+C10H12N2O+C43H66N12O12S2 Uranium" which means I love you. Iodine = I, the formulas is a LOVE formula, combination of dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin, the Uranium = U. I told him, if he figures that out I am already his. And he did. So, I became his girlfriend that day. I know we have known each other for just a short period of time, but I seriously don't care. What matters to me is what my heart desires. I have been lonely for so long. I won't miss the moment of being happy again.

I fell for him for some unknown reason. All I know is that whenever I say the word I love you to him, it is making me feel so relieved. It is so amazing how my brain corresponds in releasing a happy hormones. It is so awesome that whenever I get a text message from him, it is making my heart skip a beat. Whenever we video chat, staring at him just making me feel so alive and still unbelievable that from the other side of the world I have this amazing guy loving me dearly with all my flaws and he would still call me beautiful.

But the fact that he is miles and miles away, I can't help but feel afraid that day may come that he might get sick of the long distance relationship we have. He might just disappear one day. He might leave me hanging believing we have a future together in the same roof. I am so afraid. Always scared from the first time I said I love you to him. And I have been very open to him about me being afraid of losing him one day, and all he always said is just go with the flow and just trust him. I am frightened of just simply going with the flow, because what if he leaves me? Should I just go with the flow and just accept it? What if I trust him so much that I can no longer hear what my mind is saying when my heart is already foolish? I don't know. All I feel now, is I am happy and afraid at the same time.

Whenever I close my eyes, I see myself laying next to him and having such a gorgeous and handsome kids with him. There is no hours, minutes and seconds that I don't think of him. I don't know what he did to me, but all I see is a future with him.
I am not sure if he too see himself being with me in the future, but I hope and pray he does too. Right now, I just wanna savors the moment, hope for the best, pray for the future and wish for a happy, long and healthy relationship with my boyfriend from the other side of the world.

Update as of Feb 24, 2020. 

I have just read it after such a long time. I can see how stupid I was here. LOL!