Untold Life and Thoughts Revealed

I don't want to feel this way, but this is what my hypothalamus feels. I want to be blind of what I am seeing so I won't see how people around me are happy, while myself doesn't even know how it feels like to be just purely happy anymore. I want to be deaf for a while so I won't hear their loud laugh and silly conversations that I can't even engage myself to. I want to be mute for a second so I will have an excuse not to speak for what is being asked that might open my heart and people will know how miserable I am inside. I want them to love me even if I am weird. I want them to talk to me even if I don't initiate the conversation. I want them to care for me even if I don't show them how sad I am inside. I want them to see me even if I would rather be in the corner listening how their conversations are going so well without me speaking. I want them to hug me even if I appear strong in front of the crowd. I want them to greet me even if I am walkin...

I am confused with the feeling I have but I just want to treasure every moment because it does really make me feel so happy. It activates all my happy hormones when talking to him. We have been chatting for more than 3 weeks now, I think. And it all started from a Contact Request in Skype. I was in doubt in accepting it because I didn't remember giving out my Skype ID to anyone. Before having any decision, I checked on his profile on Skype. He is from Canada, his profile has his full name, it has his birthday and seems legit and doesn't look like a scammer or what. I accepted it. Days, nights and weeks have passed, I didn't receive any message from him. I was thinking of deleting him from my contact list already in Skype because it doesn't make sense having him in my contacts and never message me. However, I am so curious, how and where he got my Skype ID so I messaged him... I said, "hey, you added me and never message me." And I said to myself, after 2 o...

When I was younger, around the age of the adolescent. I have this vision of helping other people. I would tell my mother that when I am already older and have a stable work and a good business I will build a nursing home for abandoned children and special children. I would also like to build a Home for the Aged for abandoned grandparents. At the early age, I was able to open my heart and mind on how cruel the world is. People are blinded by what is happening in the world. The universe seems to be deaf to the cry of the less fortunate people. Religion supposed to help unite humanity, but what it does is contradicting to what it's real purpose, it divides the human race. When I was in College studying Bachelor of Science in Nursing I had the chance to have an On the Job Training in a nursing home, we were assigned in different areas. The Nursing homes have an area for grandparents that were abandoned, there is also an area for abandoned kids and babies, and an area for ...

I was judged "aggressive". I smiled. I wander. At the back of my mind, I kept repeating it over and over again. Because I don't know what that is. Is that an adjective fits to describe me? When I came home, I googled, it says "ready or likely to attack or confront". I wanted to ask more to the person who relay the feedback to me. I wanted to know who was the person said that, but no thanks, we have what we called human instincts. I used that, and I already have an idea who you are GIRL. I wanted to ask for an example scenario when did I became aggressive because that was the very first time I got that feedback. And guess what? We don't even know each other that much, not even a year yet. Are we friends? I hope we are. Are we close? That is what I don't really think so. Does SHE know me, I am sure she don't. Now I totally believe, people who deemed you, are those people who don't know you at all. Hi girls, thank you for the feedback. I appreciat...

I don't know where exactly to start. But I really want to write what I feel. I don't know what went wrong. But everything we had were gone. I can't remember how we started as friends. But why we became strangers again has stuck in my mind. I am not sure why saying hello is so hard now. But the eagerness of starting a conversation is within me. You were once my textmate. But now, I no longer get a message from you. You were once my friend that almost turns out to be my lover. But now, it looks like that we are no longer friends and will never be a lover. We used to let each other know what we are doing. But now we have no more idea what both of us are doing with our lives. You made me feel happy. But now, you are crushing my heart because you are nowhere to be found. Your existence was my happiness before. But now all I hope is to feel your presence again. I can't help it sometimes, but to go back to our conversations a year ago. But all it gives me is only sadn...

I was alone and then you came. I wasn't looking, but you found me. I wasn't sad nor happy, but you killed the loneliness I felt inside. You are there and I am here. We are far from each other, miles and miles away. We enjoy the talks we had. Sleepless nonsense conversations are fun for us. We sleep together in front of the screen. We sing each other a song. You dance in the camera and I watch. You do your thing and I do mine comfortably. We value each others silence. When I am home, I text you. When I woke up I am letting you know. We eat in front of the monitor. I was once your alarm clock when you have work and its my off. I will ring you to wake up. We laugh hard like we don't care how ugly we look like. I had been very sick and you never left. You've been very supportive. You text and ask If I am still alive in a funny way. You saw the worst in me when I was very sick. You saw how terrible I look with blisters. You saw me with and without sc...